On my previous blog I briefly explained what a Finnish term abiristeily mean. This time I'll explain it better with a clip of stand up. In that clip a Finnish comedian Niko Kivelä talk about abiristeily, microcars and shows the agility of his tongue.
The translation: Niko Kivelä: The climax of last spring, I mean after the journey, was a abiristeily. I was there to perform, not... That math is really hard... A abiristeily, it, it was an experience. How many have been in a abiristeily? Hands up... now. Perfect.
(Talk to a woman in the first row) You were. That's what I expected. What's your name?
(Listen the answer) Tiina. You're really beautiful. You're welcome. Well, hmm, Tiina, when your went to the abiristeily... When you were there? Woman: 11 years ago. Niko Kivelä: When? Woman: 11 years. Niko Kivelä: 11 years. OK. Wonderful it came so fast, because I asked the same thing in Jyväskylä. The girl was like: "(count with fingers) Wait a second... 2007. What?"
Tiina, when you went there, you went there, I believe you understood the point of a abiristeily. It's that in the first time, you can be a woman as fully as possible. Eh? You had a miniskirt, eh? Boots? (makes a noise) Yes. I can see it. (whistle)
I've like this, (shows) and you've like this. (shows)
Boots, and make-up to a T, and the hair (blow into the microphone) I don't know why. (Blow again) Own windmachine with you. (Blow) Why it has the another one? (Blow) Work like hell with me. I do the same with eyebrows.
What I was doing? I don't have a clue. So, when you went there, hmm, to the abiristeily, walked throught the tube to the ship, there it showed clearly you carried yourself really, like you know you're good looking, (sings to the microphone) like (sings more and walk in slow-motion).
I don't know why Tiina go into every ship in slow-motion but, everybody others went like: "(walks normally) Hi, Tiina."
But then we come to that part Tiina walks there, (makes breasts with his hand) a little bit too small tank top. And you always ask for your best friend: "Is this OK? Is this too small?" "No, it's OK."
Shh, don't say everything, don't say everything...
Then we come to that part beautiful Tiina goes in front and then we come to that part biology teachers tell to us already in the elementary school. In other words guys come at least two years late in everything of girls. And expecially by physically and excpeciallyin every other things too. And there you can see it. Oh my God! Think about it! Beautiful women, hunreds of beautiful women, and after them there's three guys, visors little bit tilted and like: "I've a microcar."
I got nervous with them. I wanted to yell to them: "Come on!"
'Cause in everybody's eyes have that: "(blow to the microphone) Today I'll get."
When they leave the ship, it's little bit different: "(blow) Some day I'll get."
It's really clear. But the problem is, the problem of those kids is rap and hiphop culture. It overbear our youth. Goddammit, eight hoody one on the other, of course it press shoulders. "Jou." In some point they'll forget where the waistline was. "Here." What deeper your visor is, more cool you're.
The problem is when Tiina finds a beautiful boy by his face, your take him to the cabin and start to undress him. Your taking the eighth hoody off, you don't have a clue what's in there! After all there's a guy like this: "(takes a mike holder) Hello!"
He's so thin when he go home to eat, he put himself into the dropping! On the sweet day he put a Menthol there: "Mmm, now is good."
Now is microcar men. Does someone have a microcar? Don't rise your hand if you have. It's the most ridicolous thing in the world, really. A microcar. I was in Seinäjoki, my home town, where Iäm from, Seinäjoki. And there at the old junior high school's yard, my old junior high's yard, were all microcars of the world. That what I think, there they were. (makes a noise) Oh hell, do they do this so many? On one there were flames. Who pimp them! Who thinks: "now it's cool."! And then there's huge speakers, like: (makes a noise). That's what you hear in inside. On the outside you hear this: (makes a diffirent noise). When every covering is like: "I'll soon drop of."
On the second circle they're there seaching: "This is my piece, and this. This has flames. Jari, this is yours."
I really got nervous there. I invented a nice way to ride. I'm sorry guys, but I'll use it today. I'm the whole my life practised to make different sounds. Everything. And it always strengthen my tongue. I've really strong tongue.
Guys go totally serious. I invented this on that state, but girls, think about it, how quick a tongue can be. (Starts to make a noise)
Tiina can't look at me anymore. Tiina's boyfriend will be at mirror on the night, like: "(push his tongue out) How did he do that?"
Tiina, this is for you: (starts to make noises).
(Stamps a pedal) Luckily this DVD is taped so we can cut that part off. Hell how awkward.
Now it's done: my first paid picnic this year, in other words matriculation examination. It's the major exam on Finnish senior highs. All abiturs (final year students) around the nation make same exams (they can pick up the subjects) on same days. The exam take at least three hours, but max. six. You can take your own provisions, but there can't be any text on them. Teachers even walk you to a toilet and back. And censors, who will check exams, they're quit... Well lets say they love to go to details.
Penkkarit
Most students think the exam is ridiculously hard. Questions are often a little bit vague, and some abiturs have made their own versions of them, like 'Which one was first, egg or hen, and what was rooster's part in the business?'. My exam was the first part of äidinkieli (mother tongue) exam. It's cutted up to two part: first, which I did, I had to write three short answers about given material. In the other part I will have to write just one essay from a given subject. On Monday I have a hearing exam about English and on Tuesday a hearing exam about Swedish. On Wednesday second year students organize potkijaiset (a party where abiturs are 'kicked' out of the school) to us. And on Thuesday we have a another party called penkkarit (abiturs dress to funny costumes and throw candy from tractor's trailer). And on Saturday and Sunday we're on abiristeily (a cruise only for abiturs on the Baltic) Yay!
In Finland we have a TV series called 'The Police' ('Poliisit' in Finnish). It follows police patrols during their shift, mostly in night-time. Usually there's just drunken drivers and all kinds of night-time weirdos. This video caused some amusement among my friends in Facebook (partly because Kuopio is the closest big town and you can imagine how we countrymen deal with them). In the video Kuopio's police interview a man, whose face is covered on blood.
Here's the translation:
Policeman 1: "Why are you messed your face with that blood?" Man: "I drink it." Policeman 1: "You drink it? Well, it's quit unusual way to drink that blood, 'cause it's messed the whole face." Man: "I drink like this. (Shows)" Policeman 1: "So you pour it from high to your mouth. Ok." Policeman 2: "(Tells over the video) It didn't come clear to me that why he had been drinking. He just said he had to drink. And especially by pouring it from high, not by drinking from the bottle. Just pouring from high straight to his face." Policeman 1: "(On the video) Ok." Man: "But usually I do it out of sight." Policeman 1: "Yes. Like propably this time, but the result is that kind of it might scare people. Now is best you go to home." Man: "First..." Policeman 1: "First what? First what?" Man: "Have to wrap a cigarette." Policeman 2: "(To his partner) Three and half permilles." Policeman 1: "I don't know if he can go home." Policeman 2: "Yes. And especially if he's going to stay there. I doubt it a bit." Policeman 1: "(To the man) Well, we were thinking it would be better to stay with us the next night. You should start to go right away. You can wrap while walking.That was a bright idea."
